This piece was written in mind for a certain someone and littered with twelve different references (the title is one) that I hope will be noticed.
It covers a theme that I always seem to come back to, the word or idea of āforever.ā
One that just when I feel like Iāve started coming to terms with it, something happens to make me lose that trust in it. Be it life circumstances or my own overthinking.
I once said that youāre the only forever Iāve been able to believe in,Ā but I lied because you are the second. And maybe thatās why Iām scared to call you a āforeverā.Ā Because the first forever was one that I unconsciously believed in.
One that was taken from me all the same.
One hundred vials of denial, and I know they wonāt bring her back to me.
I wage war with this word, this idea.
And as I fight it I begin to find myself caring less and less about what it is.
Instead it is the fear that creeps out, the one that knows the opposite of forever.
Then I am left asking, how much time do I have left?
I thought I was strong enough, tried to keep it inside, but it poured out all the same.
An overflowing burst of words and emotions that I bury away to save my worries from drowning you. These fears are getting old, but theyāre nothing new to me.
I know that in my mind, I couldnāt leave you if I tried.
If you say that you love me; if you said that itās all you want and more,
this small infinity with me, I would already know my answer.
āCause youāre holding onto something special to me.
Though, if you were to change your mind.
Iād swear to you, Iād be okay.
As long as you didnāt look behind the smile; didnāt watch as I would fall apart, down to my core.
Youāre only the love of my life.
Iād let you take what you want from me and go.
Because Iām no good at goodbyes, even if it is all Iāve ever known.
Lizzy Harrison 